Blood Beach (1980)

Beware the giant asparagus that lurks underneath a southern California beach sucking down unfortunate bathers - and one unfortunate rapist's balls. One must admire director Jeffrey Bloom’s talent for devising opportunities for large-breasted women to go out onto the beach in the middle of the night. Romantic leads Bruce Heffernan and Marianna Hill tackle their roles with a commitment that indicates they thought they were in a cute and serious romantic comedy about childhood sweethearts finding eachother – and the film leaves them to it, because they’re absolutely inconsequential to the story. A performance by Burt Young ought to be in the running for Least Amusing Comic Supporting Character In Film History. Luckily, John Saxon’s on hand. Vintage ‘80s crap.

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